As an ENFJ, you're primary mode of living is focused externally, where you
deal with things according to how you feel about them, or how they fit into your
personal value system. Your secondary mode is internal, where you take things in
primarily via your intuition.
ENFJs are people-focused individuals. They live in the world of people
possibilities. More so than any other type, they have excellent people skills.
They understand and care about people, and have a special talent for bringing
out the best in others. ENFJ's main interest in life is giving love, support,
and a good time to other people. They are focused on understanding, supporting,
and encouraging others. They make things happen for people, and get their best
personal satisfaction from this.
Because ENFJ's people skills are so extraordinary, they have the ability to
make people do exactly what they want them to do. They get under people's skins
and get the reactions that they are seeking. ENFJ's motives are usually
unselfish, but ENFJs who have developed less than ideally have been known to use
their power over people to manipulate them.
ENFJ's are so externally focused that it's especially important for them to
spend time alone. This can be difficult for some ENFJs, because they have the
tendency to be hard on themselves and turn to dark thoughts when alone.
Consequently, ENFJs might avoid being alone, and fill their lives with
activities involving other people. ENFJs tend to define their life's direction
and priorities according to other people's needs, and may not be aware of their
own needs. It's natural to their personality type that they will tend to place
other people's needs above their own, but they need to stay aware of their own
needs so that they don't sacrifice themselves in their drive to help others.
ENFJ's tend to be more reserved about exposing themselves than other
extraverted types. Although they may have strongly-felt beliefs, they're likely
to refrain from expressing them if doing so would interfere with bringing out
the best in others. Because their strongest interest lies in being a catalyst of
change in other people, they're likely to interact with others on their own
level, in a chameleon-like manner, rather than as individuals.
Which is not to say that the ENFJ does not have opinions. ENFJs have definite
values and opinions which they're able to express clearly and succinctly. These
beliefs will be expressed as long as they're not too personal. ENFJ is in many
ways expressive and open, but is more focused on being responsive and supportive
of others. When faced with a conflict between a strongly-held value and serving
another person's need, they are highly likely to value the other person's needs.
The ENFJ may feel quite lonely even when surrounded by people. This feeling
of aloneness may be exacerbated by the tendency to not reveal their true selves.
People love ENFJs. They are fun to be with, and truly understand and love
people. They are typically very straight-forward and honest. Usually ENFJs exude
a lot of self-confidence, and have a great amount of ability to do many
different things. They are generally bright, full of potential, energetic and
fast-paced. They are usually good at anything which captures their interest.
ENFJs like for things to be well-organized, and will work hard at maintaining
structure and resolving ambiguity. They have a tendency to be fussy, especially
with their home environments.
In the work place, ENFJs do well in positions where they deal with people.
They are naturals for the social committee. Their uncanny ability to understand
people and say just what needs to be said to make them happy makes them naturals
for counselling. They enjoy being the center of attention, and do very well in
situations where they can inspire and lead others, such as teaching.
ENFJs do not like dealing with impersonal reasoning. They don't understand or
appreciate it's merit, and will be unhappy in situations where they're forced to
deal with logic and facts without any connection to a human element. Living in
the world of people possibilities, they enjoy their plans more than their
achievements. They get excited about possibilities for the future, but may
become easily bored and restless with the present.
ENFJs have a special gift with people, and are basically happy people when
they can use that gift to help others. They get their best satisfaction from
serving others. Their genuine interest in Humankind and their exceptional
intuitive awareness of people makes them able to draw out even the most reserved
ENFJs have a strong need for close, intimate relationships, and will put
forth a lot of effort in creating and maintaining these relationships. They're
very loyal and trustworthy once involved in a relationship.
An ENFJ who has not developed their Feeling side may have difficulty making
good decisions, and may rely heavily on other people in decision-making
processes. If they have not developed their Intuition, they may not be able to
see possibilities, and will judge things too quickly based on their personal
value systems. An ENFJ who has not found their place in the world is likely to
be extremely sensitive to criticism, and to have the tendency to worry
excessively and feel guilty.
In general, ENFJs are charming, warm, gracious, creative and diverse
individuals with richly developed insights into what makes other people tick.
This special ability to see growth potential in others combined with a genuine
drive to help people makes the ENFJ a truly valued individual. As giving and
caring as the ENFJ is, they need to remember to value their own needs as well as
the needs of others.
ENFJs put a lot of effort and enthusiasm into their relationships. To some
extent, the ENFJ defines themself by the closeness and authenticity of their
personal relationships, and are therefore highly invested in the business of
relationships. They have very good people skills, and are affectionate and
considerate. They are warmly affirming and nurturing. They excel at bringing out
the best in others, and warmly supporting them. They want responding affirmation
from their relationships, although they have a problem asking for it. When a
situation calls for it, the ENFJ will become very sharp and critical. After
having made their point, they will return to their natural, warm selves. They
may have a tendency to "smother" their loved ones, but are generally
highly valued for their genuine warmth and caring natures.
Most ENFJs will exhibit the following strengths with regards to relationship
- Good verbal communication skills
- Very perceptive about people's thoughts and motives
- Motivational, inspirational; bring out the best in others
- Warmly affectionate and affirming
- Fun to be with - lively sense of humor, dramatic, energetic, optimistic
- Good money skills
- Able to "move on" after a love relationship has failed (although
they blame themselves)
- Loyal and committed - they want lifelong relationships
- Strive for "win-win" situations
- Driven to meet other's needs
Most ENFJs will exhibit the following weaknesses with regards to
- Tendency to be smothering and over-protective
- Tendency to be controlling and/or manipulative
- Don't pay enough attention to their own needs
- Tend to be critical of opinions and attitudes which don't match their own
- Sometimes unaware of social appropriateness or protocol
- Extremely sensitive to conflict, with a tendency to sweep things under the
rug as an avoidance tactic
- Tendency to blame themselves when things go wrong, and not give themselves
credit when things go right
- Their sharply defined value systems make them unbending in some areas
ENFJs as Lovers
"To love means to open ourselves to the negative as well as the
positive - to grief, sorrow, and disappointment as well as to joy, fulfillment,
and an intensity of consciousness we did not know was possible before." --
ENFJs make warm, committed lovers who are willing to go to great
lengths for the sake of "The Relationship". They're totally dedicated
to the relationship, and to their partner, and have a special skill for warmth
and affirmation which brings out the best in their mates. They take their
commitments seriously, and are likely to put forth a lot of effort into making a
relationship work once they have commited themselves to it. In the event that a
relationship fails, the ENFJ will feel a lot of guilt, and take on blame for the
failure, but they will move on with their lives with relative ease, without
Since relationships are central to the ENFJ's life, they will be very
"hands on" and involved with their intimate relationships. They may be
in the habit of constantly asking their partner how they're doing, what they're
feeling, etc. This behavior may be a bit smothering, but it also supports a
strong awareness of the health (or illness) of the relationship.
Sexually, the ENFJ looks forward to intimacy as an opportunity to express
love and caring. The ENFJ is generally very interested in the happiness and
satisfaction of their partner. Because they achieve much of their personal
satisfaction from making others happy, they're likely to be skilled lovers. Like
other Judgers, the ENFJ is likely to follow a schedule for intimacy, and may be
prone to becoming routinized. For the ENFJ, the most important aspect of a
sexual encounter is the affirmation of love and affection.
Although the ENFJ will probably not ask for it, they need to be given sweet
words and loving affirmation. Since they are so externally focused on serving
people, they do not always pay attention to their own needs. Since much of their
personal satisfaction comes from bringing happiness to others, they're able to
ignore their own needs and still be happy much more easily than other types.
However, if they focus entirely on giving without doing some taking, they may
find themselves in an unhealthy, unbalanced relationship. They need to work on
being aware of their needs, and being OK with verbalizing those needs to their
A problem area for ENFJs in relationships is their very serious dislike of
conflict. ENFJs will prefer to brush issues under the rug rather than confront
them head-on, if there is likely to be a conflict. They are also likely to
"give in" easily in conflict situations, just to end the conflict.
They might agree to something which goes against their values just to end the
uncomfortable situation. In such cases, the problem is extended and will return
at a later time. The ENFJ needs to realize that the world will not end if there
is a disagreement, and that dealing with things immediately initiates closure.
Ignoring issues will not make them go away.
In general, the ENFJ is intensely and enthusiastically involved in their
personal relationships. They bring fun and warmth into the equation, and are
willing to work hard to make things work.
Although two well-developed individuals of any type can enjoy a healthy
relationship, ENFJ's natural partner is the INFP,
or the ISFP. ENFJ's dominant
function of Extraverted Feeling is best matched with a partner whose dominant
function is Introverted Feeling. An ENFJ and INFP are ideally matched, because
they share the Intuitive way of looking at the world, but the ENFJ and ISFP are
also a very good match. How
did we arrive at this?
ENFJs as Parents
"You are the bows from which your children as living arrows are sent
Let your bending in the archer's hand be for gladness;
For even as He loves the arrow that flies,
so He loves also the bow that is stable." -- Kahlil Gibran
ENFJs take their parenting role very seriously. They consider the task of
passing on values and goals to their children as paramount, and will strive to
consistently be a good role model to their children. The ENFJ considers it their
responsibility to make sure that their children turn out well. This
characteristic, combined with the ENFJ's definite values and ideas about the way
things should be, usually results in the ENFJ parent being rather strict, and
having high expectations for the behavior of their children. On the other hand,
the ENFJ is also warm and affectionate with their children, and very supportive
and affirming. The ENFJ can also be counted on to take care of day-to-day
necessities for their children.
It is not usually easy to be the child of an ENFJ. The ENFJ's life focus is
centered in the sphere of relationships. They take their relationship roles very
seriously. They are very "hands-on" in relationships, always
monitoring it's progress. This behavior may be smothering to some individuals.
ENFJs have very definite value systems, and well-defined ideas about what is
right and what is wrong. Since they believe that part of their parental role
involves passing their values and ideas to their children, and since they are so
concerned and involved with their children, the ENFJ has a tendency to be a
strict, controlling parent, who is very aware of their children's actions. The
ENFJ needs to remember to allow their children the room for growth which is
necessary if they are to evolve into healthy, well-adjusted adults. With a bit
of effort, it will be possible for the ENFJ to balance their need to pass their
values and ideals down to their children with their children's need to develop
The ENFJ will put forth a good amount of effort to make their children's home
environment warm, comforting and cheerful. They will be ready with a kiss and a
baid-aid for any hurt. Their normal attitude towards their children will be
loyal, proud, warm, and affirming.
As is the case with most types, ENFJ parents may have problems with their
children as they reach puberty. Their children will need more space at that age,
and will begin to resent the over-protective tendancies of the ENFJ. This
problem will be magnified in situations where the ENFJ is very manipulative.
Since ENFJs are gifted with exceptional people skills and personal presence,
some ENFJ individuals who are not supported by life's circumstances get into the
habit of using these skills for personal gain to get what they want or need out
of situations. As they grow older, their children will inevitably see the
manipulative tendancies for what they are, and will begin to question their
parents' value systems, and strongly resent being forced to comply with a set of
values which may be somewhat hippocritical. The manipulative ENFJ, who still has
strongly-held values which they are driven to pass to their children, may then
find themselves "a day late and a dollar short". As an ENFJ, your best
bet is to be aware of your type's manipulative tendancies and avoid them at all
Usually, the ENFJ has nothing but the best intentions with regards to their
children. They are remembered by their children as very warm and supportive
(although strict), and are valued for passing on their goals and ideals.
ENFJs as Friends
ENFJs are warm, sociable people who are keenly in tune with other people's
feelings and perspectives. They enjoy supporting and bringing out the best in
others. They are energetic and fun to be with. They seek authenticity in their
close relationships, and are very sensitive to the needs of others. All of these
characteristics make the ENFJ valued by their peers as a warm, supportive and
ENFJs are interested in all sorts of people, and are likely to be able to
understand and relate to all of the personality types. The will excel at getting
along with all sorts of people when the situation demands that they do so.
However, they will not choose to spend their personal time around all of the
types. They may resist spending a lot of time with Sensing Perceiving types,
whose carefree "live for the moment" attitude may conflict with the
ENFJ's strongly held value system. When seeking companionship that is not
romantic, ENFJs will be drawn to other Feelers who have similar values and
ideas. Since they live in a people-oriented world, they are not comfortable with
objective judgements which do not consider people issues. Consequently, ENFJs
are not likely to have close friendships with strong Thinking types. They will
be likely to especially enjoy the company of other iNtuitive Feelers, as well as