As an ESTJ, your primary mode of living is focused externally, where you deal
with things rationally and logically. Your secondary mode is internal, where you
take things in via your five senses in a literal, concrete fashion.
ESTJs live in a world of facts and concrete needs. They live in the present,
with their eye constantly scanning their personal environment to make sure that
everything is running smoothly and systematically. They honor traditions and
laws, and have a clear set of standards and beliefs. They expect the same of
others, and have no patience or understanding of individuals who do not value
these systems. They value competence and efficiency, and like to see quick
results for their efforts.
ESTJs are take-charge people. They have such a clear vision of the way that
things should be, that they naturally step into leadership roles. They are
self-confident and aggressive. They are extremely talented at devising systems
and plans for action, and at being able to see what steps need to be taken to
complete a specific task. They can sometimes be very demanding and critical,
because they have such strongly held beliefs, and are likely to express
themselves without reserve if they feel someone isn't meeting their standards.
But at least their expressions can be taken at face-value, because the ESTJ is
extremely straight-forward and honest.
The ESTJ is usually a model citizen, and pillar of the community. He or she
takes their commitments seriously, and follows their own standards of "good
citizenship" to the letter. ESTJ enjoys interacting with people, and likes
to have fun. ESTJs can be very boisterous and fun at social events, especially
activities which are focused on the family, community, or work.
The ESTJ needs to watch out for the tendency to be too rigid, and to become
overly detail-oriented. Since they put a lot of weight in their own beliefs,
it's important that they remember to value other people's input and opinions. If
they neglect their Feeling side, they may have a problem with fulfilling other's
needs for intimacy, and may unknowingly hurt people's feelings by applying logic
and reason to situations which demand more emotional sensitivity.
When bogged down by stress, an ESTJ often feels isolated from others. They
feel as if they are misunderstood and undervalued, and that their efforts are
taken for granted. Although normally the ESTJ is very verbal and doesn't have
any problem expressing themself, when under stress they have a hard time putting
their feelings into words and communicating them to others.
ESTJs value security and social order above all else, and feel obligated to
do all that they can to enhance and promote these goals. They will mow the lawn,
vote, join the PTA, attend home owners association meetings, and generally do
anything that they can to promote personal and social security.
The ESTJ puts forth a lot of effort in almost everything that they do. They
will do everything that they think should be done in their job, marriage, and
community with a good amount of energy. He or she is conscientious, practical,
realistic, and dependable. While the ESTJ will dutifully do everything that is
important to work towards a particular cause or goal, they might not naturally
see or value the importance of goals which are outside of their practical scope.
However, if the ESTJ is able to see the relevance of such goals to practical
concerns, you can bet that they'll put every effort into understanding them and
incorporating them into their quest for clarity and security.
ESTJs are very enthusiastic people who are driven to fulfill their
obligations and duties, especially those towards their families. Their
priorities generally put God first, family second, and friends third. They put
forth a tremendous amount of effort to meet their obligations and duties,
according to their priorities. They are dedicated and committed to their
relationships, which they consider to be lifelong and unalterable. They like to
be in charge, and may be very controlling of their mates and children. They have
high esteem for traditions and institutions, and expect that their mates and
children will support these as well. They have little patience and need for
dealing with people who see things very differently from the ESTJ.
- Generally enthusiastic, upbeat and friendly
- Stable and dependable, they can be counted on to promote security for
- Put forth a lot of effort to fulfill their duties and obligations
- Responsible about taking care of day-to-day practical concerns around the
- Usually good (albeit conservative) with money
- Not personally threatened by conflict or criticism
- Interested in resolving conflict, rather than ignoring it
- Take their commitments very seriously, and seek lifelong relationships
- Able to move on after a relationship breaks up
- Able to administer discipline when necessary
- Tendency to believe that they are always right
- Tendency to need to always be in charge
- Impatient with inefficiency and sloppiness
- Not naturally in tune with what others are feeling
- Not naturally good at expressing their feelings and emotions
- May inadvertantly hurt others with insensitive language
- Tendency to be materialistic and status-conscious
- Generally uncomfortable with change, and moving into new territories
ESTJs as Lovers
"To love means to open ourselves to the negative as well as the
positive - to grief, sorrow, and disappointment as well as to joy, fulfillment,
and an intensity of consciousness we did not know was possible before." --
When an ESTJ says "I do", you can bet that they will put forth a
tremendous amount of effort and energy into fulfilling their commitment to the
relationship. They seek stability and security in their lives, and once they
have made a commitment, it is lifelong and unalterable. They bring with them
into the relationship a strong and dependable nature, which is oriented in
traditions and security. They are highly energetic people, who never seem to
lose their energy when performing duties and fulfilling obligations.
ESTJs usually feel very strongly that they are right and that if everyone
else would listen carefully to what the ESTJ has to say, then they would
understand the way things really are, and the world would be a better place.
Such a strong, confident self-image is an asset in many ways, but can also be a
detriment in close interpersonal relationships, if the ESTJ's mate does not feel
valued for their contributions as an individual. This is a potential pitfall for
ESTJs, who should try to be aware of the fact that other people have things to
offer, even if they do not exactly follow the ESTJ's way of thinking. If it's
not possible to do this on a larger scale, the ESTJ should perhaps focus on this
area with respect to their partner's contributions.
Sexually, the ESTJ is likely to be robust, enthusiastic, and athletic. They
will tend to be traditional, and to expect sexual encounters on a relatively
scheduled basis. They're likely to approach intimacy as a physical experience of
closeness, rather than as an opportunity to express and receive expressions of
love and affection. The ESTJ will probably have to work on remembering to
express their feelings verbally, but their mate's appreciation will make it well
worth it for those who do.
In many ways, ESTJs are Guardians and Protectors by nature. They enjoy
shielding and protecting their families, and are usually quite good at it. Their
partners will appreciate and enjoy the benefits of the ESTJ's efforts in this
respect, but they may also resent the more controlling aspects of the ESTJ's
personality, which goes along with their strong desire to shield their
loved-ones. The ESTJ may consider it their duty to instruct their spouses how to
behave or what attitude to take in certain situations, which may not be
Conversely, the ESTJ freely gives approval and affirmation when they are
happy or impressed with their mate's behavior. Whether positive or negative, the
ESTJ's expression can be taken at face value, because these individuals are very
honest and forthright about how they feel.
ESTJs enjoy spending time with others socializing, and are likely to strongly
desire that their partners also take part in these social activities. They are
especially interested in any event which is associated with the family, work, or
any organization which the ESTJ is part of. Since they are social creatures,
they're likely to bring an emphasis on socializing to the relationship - but
only after all of their work is done.
ESTJs are not naturally in tune with what others are feeling, and they may
even tend to be very unobservant in these respects. This can cause problems with
mates who have a Feeling preference, who may feel hurt or neglected by the ESTJ.
If these feelings are pointed out to the ESTJ as an important dynamic of the
relationship, rather than harbored internally by the Feeler, the ESTJ is likely
to attempt to be more aware of their mate's feelings and emotions.
The ESTJ gladly performs their duties in life, and wants to be appreciated
for doing so. This is the greatest gift that their mates can give them -
Although two well-developed individuals of any type can enjoy a healthy
relationship, ESTJ's natural partner is the ISTP,
or the INTP. ESTJ's dominant
function of Extraverted Thinking is best matched with someone whose dominant
function is Introverted Thinking. The ESTJ/ISTP combination is deal because it
also shared the Sensing way of perceiving the world, but the ESTJ/INTP
combination is also quite good. How
did we arrive at this?
ESTJs as Parents
"You are the bows from which your children as living arrows are sent
Let your bending in the archer's hand be for gladness;
For even as He loves the arrow that flies,
so He loves also the bow that is stable." -- Kahlil Gibran
ESTJs take their parenting responsibilities seriously, and enjoy the roles
and duties which they are consequently presented with. The ESTJ sees parenthood
as a natural state, and welcomes the opportunity to fulfill their basic
obligation to pass on their genes, and to raise children to be responsible,
ESTJs usually expect that parents should be parents, and children should be
children. There is likely to be that parent-child barrier between the ESTJ and
their kids, and they are likely to expect that their children will treat them
with respect and honor. They will have no patience for extreme deviation from
this basic rule.
ESTJs also do not have much tolerance for inefficiency or messiness. They
dislike to see mistakes repeated. Consequently, ESTJ parents may have a
difficult time with their children who have Intuitive or Perceiving preferences.
They are extremely practical, and have no understanding or value for the
creative imaginations of highly Intuitive children. They will also have little
patience with the unstructured, "go with the flow" attitude of their
Perceiving children. This impatience with other types is a potential downfall
for the ESTJ which may manifest itself in an ugly way if the rift occurs with
their own children. The ESTJ should remember that what is right for them is not
necessarily right for their children.
Whatever difficulties an ESTJ may experience with their child, they will
always accept that child back as their own. They are strongly driven to fulfill
their duties, and see parenting as one of these "must do" obligations.
Children of the ESTJ will usually remember them as dependable, reliable,
strict, traditional, and always willing to sacrifice themself for the sake of
ESTJs as Friends
Although ESTJs typically put their family above their friends, they do enjoy
and value their friendships. They enjoy having fun and spending time with
others, especially those who share their interests and pursuits. They are likely
to choose to spend free time with friends pursuing some activity or hobby -
probably athletic or sports-oriented. They're likely to socialize quite a bit
with their own family members, and with people who belong to the same
organization or institution as the ESTJ.
ESTJs are usually status-conscious, and will respect others who they feel
have acheived a high degree of success in our society. Although ESTJs have very
high standards for behavior, and believe that they know what is appropriate and
best in any given situation, they're likely to be less controlling with those
who they feel are powerful individuals.
ESTJs will have little patience with people who seem frivolous or extremely
untraditional. Conversely, those who live entirely in the current moment
(Sensing Perceivers) may not appreciate the ESTJ's strong judgements, which may
seem overly traditional to them. ESTJs are likely to bond best with other ESTJ,
or with people of any type, if they share a common interest or goal.
ESTJs tend to be enthusiastic, sharp, and witty. They like to hear good
jokes, and enjoy telling them as well. They're valued by their friends for being
dependable and upbeat, and easily engaged in various pursuits.
The ESTJ is generally very opinionated, and likes to appear authoritative and
in charge. They may temper this tendency when around other ESTJs whom they
value. Around other types, this tendency may cause them to be abrupt and direct,
to the point where they inadvertantly step on people's toes.