As an INFP, your primary mode of living is focused internally, where you deal
with things according to how you feel about them, or how they fit into your
personal value system. Your secondary mode is external, where you take things in
primarily via your intuition.
INFPs, more than other iNtuitive Feeling types, are focused on making the
world a better place for people. Their primary goal is to find out their meaning
in life. What is their purpose? How can they best serve humanity in their lives?
They are idealists and perfectionists, who drive themselves hard in their quest
for achieving the goals they have identified for themselves
INFPs are highly intuitive about people. They rely heavily on their
intuitions to guide them, and use their discoveries to constantly search for
value in life. They are on a continuous mission to find the truth and meaning
underlying things. Every encounter and every piece of knowledge gained gets
sifted through the INFP's value system, and is evaluated to see if it has any
potential to help the INFP define or refine their own path in life. The goal at
the end of the path is always the same - the INFP is driven to help people and
make the world a better place.
Generally thoughtful and considerate, INFPs are good listeners and put people
at ease. Although they may be reserved in expressing emotion, they have a very
deep well of caring and are genuinely interested in understanding people. This
sincerity is sensed by others, making the INFP a valued friend and confidante.
An INFP can be quite warm with people he or she knows well.
INFPs do not like conflict, and go to great lengths to avoid it. If they must
face it, they will always approach it from the perspective of their feelings. In
conflict situations, INFPs place little importance on who is right and who is
wrong. They focus on the way that the conflict makes them feel, and indeed don't
really care whether or not they're right. They don't want to feel badly. This
trait sometimes makes them appear irrational and illogical in conflict
situations. On the other hand, INFPs make very good mediators, and are typically
good at solving other people's conflicts, because they intuitively understand
people's perspectives and feelings, and genuinely want to help them.
INFPs are flexible and laid-back, until one of their values is violated. In
the face of their value system being threatened, INFPs can become aggressive
defenders, fighting passionately for their cause. When an INFP has adopted a
project or job which they're interested in, it usually becomes a
"cause" for them. Although they are not detail-oriented individuals,
they will cover every possible detail with determination and vigor when working
for their "cause".
When it comes to the mundane details of life maintenance, INFPs are typically
completely unaware of such things. They might go for long periods without
noticing a stain on the carpet, but carefully and meticulously brush a speck of
dust off of their project booklet.
INFPs do not like to deal with hard facts and logic. Their focus on their
feelings and the Human Condition makes it difficult for them to deal with
impersonal judgment. They don't understand or believe in the validity of
impersonal judgement, which makes them naturally rather ineffective at using it.
Most INFPs will avoid impersonal analysis, although some have developed this
ability and are able to be quite logical. Under stress, it's not uncommon for
INFPs to mis-use hard logic in the heat of anger, throwing out fact after (often
inaccurate) fact in an emotional outburst.
INFPs have very high standards and are perfectionists. Consequently, they are
usually hard on themselves, and don't give themselves enough credit. INFPs may
have problems working on a project in a group, because their standards are
likely to be higher than other members' of the group. In group situations, they
may have a "control" problem. The INFP needs to work on balancing
their high ideals with the requirements of every day living. Without resolving
this conflict, they will never be happy with themselves, and they may become
confused and paralyzed about what to do with their lives.
INFPs are usually talented writers. They may be awkard and uncomfortable with
expressing themselves verbally, but have a wonderful ability to define and
express what they're feeling on paper. INFPs also appear frequently in social
service professions, such as counselling or teaching. They are at their best in
situations where they're working towards the public good, and in which they
don't need to use hard logic.
INFPs who function in their well-developed sides can accomplish great and
wonderful things, which they will rarely give themselves credit for. Some of the
great, humanistic catalysts in the world have been INFPs.
INFPs present a calm, pleasant face to the world. They appear to be tranquil and
peaceful to others, with simple desires. In fact, the INFP internally feels his
or her life intensely. In the relationship arena, this causes them to have a
very deep capacity for love and caring which is not frequently found with such
intensity in the other types. The INFP does not devote their intense feelings
towards just anyone, and are relatively reserved about expressing their
inner-most feelings. They reserve their deepest love and caring for a select few
who are closest to them. INFPs are generally laid-back, supportive and nurturing
in their close relationships. With Introverted Feeling dominating their
personality, they're very sensitive and in-tune with people's feelings, and feel
genuine concern and caring for others. Slow to trust others and cautious in the
beginning of a relationship, an INFP will be fiercely loyal once they are
committed. With their strong inner core of values, they are intense individuals
who value depth and authenticity in their relationships, and hold those who
understand and accept the INFP's perspectives in especially high regard. INFPs
are usually adaptable and congenial, unless one of their ruling principles has
been violated, in which case they stop adapting and become staunch defenders of
their values. They will be uncharacteristically harsh and rigid in such a
Most INFPs will exhibit the following strengths with regards to relationship
- Warmly concerned and caring towards others
- Sensitive and perceptive about what others are feeling
- Loyal and committed - they want lifelong relationships
- Deep capacity for love and caring
- Driven to meet other's needs
- Strive for "win-win" situations
- Nurturing, supportive and encouraging
- Likely to recognize and appreciate other's need for space
- Able to express themselves well
- Flexible and diverse
Most INFPs will exhibit the following weaknesses with regards to relationship
- May tend to be shy and reserved
- Don't like to have their "space" invaded
- Extreme dislike of conflict
- Extreme dislike of criticism
- Strong need to receive praise and positive affirmation
- May react very emotionally to stressful situations
- Have difficulty leaving a bad relationship
- Have difficulty scolding or punishing others
- Tend to be reserved about expressing their feelings
- Perfectionistic tendancies may cause them to not give themselves enough
- Tendency to blame themselves for problems, and hold everything on their
INFPs as Lovers
"To love means to open ourselves to the negative as well as the
positive - to grief, sorrow, and disappointment as well as to joy, fulfillment,
and an intensity of consciousness we did not know was possible before." --
INFPs feels tremendous loyalty and commitment to their relationships. With
the Feeling preference dominating their personality, harmony and warm feelings
are central to the INFP's being. They feel a need to be in a committed, loving
relationship. If they are not involved in such a relationship, the INFP will be
either actively searching for one, or creating one in their own minds.
INFPs tendency to be idealistic and romantically-minded may cause them to
fantasize frequently about a "more perfect" relationship or situation.
They may also romanticize their mates into having qualities which they do not
actually possess. Most INFPs have a problem with reconciling their highly
idealistic and romantic views of life with the reality of their own lives, and
so they are constantly somewhat unsettled with themselves and with their close
personal relationships. However, the INFP's deeply-felt, sincere love for their
mates and their intense dislike of conflict keeps the INFP loyal to their
relationships, in spite of their troubles achieving peace of mind.
Unlike other types who tend to hold their mates up on a pedastal, the INFP's
tendency to do so does not really turn into a negative thing in the
relationship. INFPs hold tightly to their ideals, and work hard at constantly
seeing their mates up on that pedastal. The frequent INFP result is a strongly
affirming, proud and affectionate attitude towards their mates which stands the
test of time.
INFPs are not naturally interested in administrative matters such as
bill-paying and house-cleaning, but they can be very good at performing these
tasks when they must. They can be really good money managers when they apply
Sexually, the INFP is likely to be initially slow to open up to their mates.
Once their trust has been earned, the INFP will view sexual intimacy as an
opportunity for expressing their deep-seated love and affection. More than the
actual sexual act, they will value giving and receiving love and sweet words.
With their tendency to enjoy serving others, they may value their mates
satisfaction above their own.
One real problem area for the INFP is their intensive dislike of conflict and
criticism. The INFP is quick to find a personal angle in any critical comment,
whether or not anything personal was intended. They will tend to take any sort
of criticism as a personal attack on their character, and will usually become
irrational and emotional in such situations. This can be a real problem for
INFPs who are involved with persons who have Thinking and Judging preferences.
"TJ"s relate to others with a objective, decisive attitude that
frequently shows an opinion on the topic of conversation. If the opinion is
negative, the TJ's attitude may be threatening to the INFP, who will tend to
respond emotionally to the negativity and be vaguely but emphatically convinced
that the negativity is somehow the INFP's fault.
For INFPs with extremely dominant Feeling preferences who have not developed
their Intuitive sides sufficiently to gather good data for their decision making
processes, their dislike of conflict and criticism can foretell doom and gloom
for intimate relationships. These INFPs will react with extreme emotional
distress to conflict situations, and will not know what to do about it. Since
they will have no basis for determining what action to take, they will do
whatever they can to get rid of the conflict - which frequently means lashing
out irrationally at others, or using guilt manipulation to get their mates to
give them the positive support that they crave. This kind of behavior does not
bode well for healthy, long-term relationships. Individuals who recognize this
tendency in themselves should work on their ability to take criticism
objectively rather than personally. They should also try to remember that
conflict situations are not always their fault, and they're definitely not the
end of the world. Conflict is a fact of life, and facing it and addressing it
immediately avoids having to deal with it in the future, after it has become a
much larger problem.
INFPs are very aware of their own space, and the space of others. They value
their personal space, and the freedom to do their own thing. They will cherish
the mate who sees the INFP for who they are, and respects their unique style and
perspectives. The INFP is not likely to be overly jealous or possessive, and is
likely to respect their mate's privacy and independence. In fact, the INFP is
likely to not only respect their mate's perspectives and goals, but to support
them with loyal firmness.
In general, INFPs are warmly affirming and loving partners who make the
health of their relationships central in their lives. Although cautious in the
beginning, they become firmly loyal to their committed relationships, which are
likely to last a lifetime. They take their relationships very seriously, and
will put forth a great deal of effort into making them work.
Although two well-developed individuals of any type can enjoy a healthy
relationship, INFP's natural partner is the ENFJ,
or the ESFJ. INFP's dominant
function of Introverted Feeling is best matched with a partner whose dominant
function is Extraverted Feeling. The INFP/ENFJ combination is ideal, because it
shares the Sensing way of peceiving, but the INFP/ESFJ combination is also a
good match. How did we arrive
INFPs as Parents
"You are the bows from which your children as living arrows are sent
Let your bending in the archer's hand be for gladness;
For even as He loves the arrow that flies,
so He loves also the bow that is stable." -- Kahlil Gibran
INFPs are "natural" parents. They accept and enjoy the parental
role, seeing it as the natural extension of their value systems. They make use
of the parental role for developing and defining their values further, and
consider it their task to pass their values on to their children. They take
their role quite seriously. Warm, affirming, and flexible, the INFP generally
makes a gentle and easy-going parent in many respects.
INFPs do not like conflict situations, and will keep themselves flexible and
diverse to promote a positive, conflict-free environment in their home. The INFP
is not naturally prone to dole out punishment or discipline, and so is likely to
adapt to their mate's disciplinary policy, or to rely on their mates to
administer discipline with the children. In the absence of a mating parent, the
INFP will need to make a conscious effort of creating a structure for their
children to live within.
Although the INFP dislikes punishing others, they hold strong values and will
not tolerate the violation of a strongly-held belief. If they feel that their
child has truly committed a wrong, the INFP parent will not have a problem
administering discipline. They will directly confront the child, stubbornly
digging in their heels and demanding recourse.
The INFP parent is likely to value their children as individuals, and to give
them room for growth. They will let the children have their own voice and place
in the family.
Extremely loving and devoted parents, INFPs will fiercely protect and support
their children. If there is an issue involving "taking sides", you can
bet the INFP will always be loyal to their children.
INFPs are usually remembered by their children as loving, patient, devoted,
and flexible parents.
INFPs as Friends
INFPs are warm and caring individuals who highly value authenticity and depth
in their personal relationships. They are usually quite perceptive about other
people's feelings and motives, and are consequently able to get along with all
sorts of different people. However, the INFP will keep their true selves
reserved from others except for a select few, with whom they will form close and
lasting friendships. With their high ideals, they are likely to be drawn to
other iNtuitive Feelers for their closer friendships.
With their strong need for harmony and dislike of conflict, INFPs may feel
threatened by people with strong Judging and Thinking preferences. Although
they're likely to be able to work well professionally with such individuals,
they may have difficulty accepting or appreciating them on a personal level.
They generally feel a kinship and affinity with other Feeling types.
INFPs will be valued by their confidantes as genuine, altruistic, deep,
caring, original individuals.